Social anxiety can affect many of us. At times, we might feel nervous before speaking in public, meeting new people, or even just attending a social gathering.
For some, this anxiety goes beyond typical nervousness and becomes something much more challenging—social anxiety disorder.
The good news is that social anxiety can be managed. So, how can we overcome it? Here are 12 effective steps to help you cope and build confidence.
1. Assess Reality
The first step in overcoming social anxiety is to understand what's happening in your brain when you feel anxious. It's not that you're abnormal—your brain is simply overreacting to new stimuli. The feeling of "threat" in certain situations is a defense mechanism that helped our ancestors survive when being chased by wild animals.
However, in modern life, your brain doesn't need to be in overdrive at a party or when meeting your boss. Realizing this can help you understand what's going on and can make you feel more relaxed in similar situations in the future.
2. Avoid Negative Thinking
When you're giving a speech or interacting in a social setting, it's easy to focus on what you could have done better. This negative thinking creates a vicious cycle that feeds your anxiety. After an event, try not to dwell on what you could have improved. We all make mistakes, and focusing on them only reinforces the idea that we're bad at social situations. Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Move on and don't let them affect your confidence.
3. Don't Put Pressure on Yourself
Many of us feel pressure to be funny, engaging, or outgoing in social situations. This pressure can make anxiety worse. Instead, aim to just be yourself. You don't need to be the life of the party or the most charismatic person in the room. Speak when you feel comfortable, share your thoughts, and if you don't feel like talking, that's okay too. Don't force yourself to be anything you're not. Relax and enjoy the moment.
4. Stop Assuming What Others Think
It's common to assume that everyone is judging us, but the truth is that most people are focused on their own lives. Don't constantly imagine that others are critiquing your actions or words. During a conversation, it's normal for things to be awkward or for there to be pauses. These moments are not your responsibility. People are not scrutinizing every word you say, so don't feel guilty about it.
5. Stay Calm and Take a Pause
In social situations, it's easy to feel like you need to respond immediately. However, taking a moment to pause before answering can make your response sound more thoughtful and confident. Most anxious people rush to reply, but this can make them sound less composed. Instead, pause, gather your thoughts, and then speak. This will make you sound more composed, and you'll be able to express yourself better.
6. Body Language Matters
Our physical state affects our mental state. Avoid shrinking or appearing tense. Stand tall and maintain confident body language. People are more likely to trust you if your posture and movements exude confidence. When you appear self-assured, others will treat you with more respect and confidence.
7. Be Proactive
Look at someone like Barack Obama. He exudes confidence because he actively engages with people around him. When he walked into a voting station, he smiled and took time to introduce himself to everyone in the room. He didn't assume that people knew him. Instead, he created an aura of leadership by initiating conversations. Taking the lead in social interactions can make you appear confident and powerful.
8. Stay Composed
Social anxiety often leads to erratic movements or fidgeting. Think of how a lion moves—calm and collected, only acting when necessary. Contrast that with a squirrel, constantly looking over its shoulder, nervous and on edge. Being composed not only makes you appear more confident but also helps you feel more grounded. Avoid being jittery or overly cautious in social settings.
9. Open Your Body
People who radiate confidence know how to use their body language effectively. Avoid crossing your arms or making yourself appear small. Open your posture and use more expansive gestures. In meetings or casual conversations, using body language to reinforce your message can make you seem more powerful and assertive. The more you open up, the more confident and in control you will feel.
10. The Secret to Success
If you're familiar with the rush of anxiety before public speaking, you know how difficult it can be to control your nerves. The key is in your practice. It's not about perfecting every word, but about recreating that nervous energy during practice.
When you rehearse, try to simulate the anxiety you feel in front of an audience. This will help you become comfortable with that nervous energy. The next time you practice a speech, do something that gets your heart racing, like climbing stairs or doing push-ups. Practice in a way that mimics the stress of the real situation. Over time, you'll learn to manage your anxiety and still present confidently.
11. Prepare, But Don't Memorize
Preparation is crucial. If you're going to an event or meeting, make sure you know the topics that might come up. Read about relevant political, social, or even pop culture issues if necessary. But don't over-prepare. Don't memorize a script because that will make you appear stiff and unnatural. Be flexible in your preparation—allow space for improvisation. This way, you'll feel more at ease and more authentic.
12. Realize There's Nothing to Fear
Lastly, it's important to recognize that there's nothing to fear in social situations. What's the worst that could happen? Even if you make a mistake or say something awkward, so what? We all do it. The key is to remain calm, take your time, and just be yourself. You have nothing to fear.
Conclusion
Overcoming social anxiety is not something that happens overnight, but it's entirely possible. By following these 12 steps, we can gradually reduce the anxiety that holds us back. Each small step you take will build your confidence and help you feel more at ease in social situations. Remember, you're not alone in this, and every small victory counts. Keep moving forward, Lykkers—soon you'll feel more confident than ever!
